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Why is a first date so freaking scary?

I found myself thinking a TON about this as I am now anxiously awaiting that special text, email or tweet inviting me on one (come on boys, sooner rather than later).

Us girls primp like crazy, find the perfect outfit, brush our teeth ten times, actually use a razor, double up on the deodorant, call our BFF’s for advice (yeah, cause that’ll help!), and we still have the never ending butterflies.  Maybe, just maybe, it’s because we have been bombarded since we were little girls with the stereotypes of what a first date should be. No matter how hard your very good intentioned, sweet guy tries, let’s face it, it will never measure up to that hype. That’s why I just don’t do it.

You heard right, I don’t DO first dates.

I do first NON-DATES.

Let’s break this down a little. Going on a date means that there is this unspoken anticipation of physical intimacy. No, freaks, I don’t mean it has to be THAT kind of intimacy.  Should you hold hands? Who is expected to make the first move? Is the other person expecting a kiss good night? What if there is no chemistry at all between the two of you? That is exactly why this is the number 1 reason to make it a NON-DATE.

Who really cares if there is chemistry? There is no need for that awkward reach-around (you guys have such warped minds) when sitting side by side at the movie theater.  A hand shake at the end of the evening will work just fine. A NON-DATE is just two people getting to know each other with no pre-conceived notions or expectations.

Who really believes in love at first sight or that two people can start planning their happily-ever-after-ending after one incredible first date? Not happening! (at least not in my lifetime) Preparing yourself in this way means that you will get a super duper, out of this world, BONUS SURPRISE if any of the above actually does occur. On the other hand, if it is apparent that you two are not made for each other and the stars just didn’t align this time around, there are no worries ‘cause it was not a real DATE! Yes, that is why you continue to read my blogs because I am an expert at being single and do give some pretty insightful and ingenious advice.    

We (I mean, I) have now successfully established that NON-DATING takes the sexual anxiety out of the first time you two anti-lovebirds go out. But there is more! Isn’t part of the hype, where he will take you? Forget that girls, on NON-DATES, it is not all about him, and how he is going to impress you. Nope, NON-DATES are fair game to do anything your little hearts’ desire. (Especially if at 40something those little hearts have been damaged, broken, cracked or draped with barbed wire, totally UNLIKE like mine).

Instead of the ultra-romantic candlelit dinner or stroll on the waterfront in the moonlight (that we ALL have fanaticized about on first dates), go on a NON-DATE to a football game (GO RAVENS!), drink beer and eat hot dogs.  I know, I know, just because I am a sports fanatic, it may not be YOUR cup of tea. So, if you like to shop, meet him at the mall, grab some dippin’ dots and do a little window shopping. Whatever it is you choose, remember it is a NON-DATE so it can be as laid back and comfortable as you would like it to be. (or as you would like it to end up being, if you know what I mean)

Ok, so now there is no worry of who will make the first move that day, and you are stress-free because you are in your most comfiest cool outfit doing something that you really enjoy. 

So what about the whole getting to know each other thing?  

I pose this question to all of you. Are you more likely to get to know HIM and his likes/dislikes/must haves/can’t stands while he is carefully dissecting his filet mignon and trying desperately not to belch in front of you at the froo-froo restaurant , or when he is telling you a story about how he adopted his puppy as you pass the pet store. Are you on board yet???

How about you, are you more likely to open up about your little quirks when you are staring at your feet hoping not to slip on sea gull poo after 3 glasses of wine and the stroll on the pier, OR when you are both chugging peanut shells two seats down trying to hit the opposing team’s fan (preferably the Steelers) at the game? I kinda make sense, DON’T I?
I will push my luck with you slightly with my next assertion. But, if you think about it, you will see it for what it is, the TRUTH.

Some of you are reading this and think that NON-DATES take all of the romance and excitement out of that first encounter.  You think that I am a negative Nelly stick-in-the- mud who doesn’t believe in the excitement of the first kiss or accidently brushing up against Mr. Wonderful and feeling a spark. Hush! Could not be further from the truth.

I am more of a sap; believe in love at first sight, hopeless romantic than any of you. (Just ask my mom, bff’s and any guy I have ever dated. Yup, they will confirm.) What is the most awesome of all awesomeness is that NON-DATES, when they involve two people who actually do feel that crazy electricity for each other, end up being the best of the best dates. They so do! There was no pressure. So, when that touch happens, it is not forced, it is REAL. You are not sitting in a stuffy, are-you-cute/rich-enough-to-be-in-here environment where you can’t be yourself. You two are sharing a hot dog with mustard, relish and onions (my fave). When the magic happens, and I have faith for all of you that it will, he will be putting the moves on YOU, the one wearing a Ray Rice jersey and matching purple sneakers while yelling at the kicker for missing an easy 25 yard field goal.
The ice has now been broken. You are free to either move on to a NON-DATE with another potential Mr. Wonderful. OR, with any luck, you can go on an actual romantic, blow your socks off kind of real date with your new Mr. Wonderful.

NON-DATING = win-win situation. 

Attention 40something Single Men: If this blog doesn’t get me a NON-DATE, all hope is officially lost (But hell, the upside is that I will have more singleness wisdom to share with all of you).



  1. Anonymous Says:
  2. Love it!

  3. Anonymous Says:
  4. You go girl! Loved this post, hope to see more.


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